RockStarPeach

Title: Another Thing to Fall (part 2 of 2)
Pairing: Jensen/Misha, Jensen/Jared
Rating: Adult
Word count: 7700
Summary: College AU. Pretty much his whole life, Jensen’s never wanted anybody but Misha. They’re in love and they always have been, but how strong can Jensen be when the hottest freshman in the class he TAs for sets his sights on him? Jensen has no intention of giving in, but Jared has no intention of giving up.

***

It’s past two in the morning when he finally gets home and he tries not to wake Misha up when he crawls into bed after a quick shower.

“You said you’d beat me home,” Misha mumbles into the pillow and Jensen’s heart clenches, freezes and then beats overtime.

“Yeah,” he whispers. “Took longer than I thought. Sorry.”

“You promised to make it up to me,” Misha says, but his face is still in his pillow. “I’m too tired to fuck right now. And I’m pretty smashed. But you’re coming with me to Justin’s party tomorrow night. Kay?”

“Yeah,” Jensen chokes out and he bites back a wave of tears. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

He pulls the blanket up over his legs and his hand hovers over Misha’s hip. He wants to touch him, wants to grab hold and never let go but he doesn’t deserve to. Not anymore.

“Hey,” Misha says a few seconds later, turning to face Jensen and cup his cheek with a warm palm. “What’s going on? I can feel you brooding from all the way over here.”

“Nothing,” Jensen says, shakes his head and puts his hand over Misha’s. “It’s nothing. God I love you. So much.”

Misha frowns and his thumb slides across Jensen’s bottom lip.

“You sure you’re okay?”

No. No, he’s not even a little bit okay.

“Yeah,” he lies. “Yeah, just tired.”

“Sleep now,” Misha orders, presses a kiss to Jensen’s nose. “Hot sex in the morning.”

Jensen smiles despite himself and watches while Misha promptly passes out. Jensen doesn’t get much sleep at all.

***

Jensen manages to get out of the hot morning sex. Also the hot brunch sex, the hot afternoon sex and the hot pre-party sex. Misha’s sort of pissed off, he can tell, but Jensen just can’t right now. Can’t hold Misha down and slide into him, run his tongue across Misha’s neck and grab hold of his hair, pull and push and own him the way they both love.

He can’t because he’s tainted now. Because he gave in to some fucked up temptation that he didn’t even realise was a danger until it was too late. Because Misha deserves better than him.

He has to tell him. He knows he has to tell him but every time he looks at Misha it just feels like the wrong time. Misha’s busy, or angry or happy and it all just seems like the wrong time.

Turns out he’s wrong about that, though. Any time between last night and right now would have been a whole lot fucking better than the way it actually comes out.

They’re at Justin’s place, some senior with way too much money and friends accordingly. Jensen’s standing out on the back porch of the townhouse with a beer in his hand, watching Misha shotgun hits off Justin’s joint when he feels arms wrap around him from behind.

His first instinct is to tense up, to pull away because Jensen doesn’t really like people to touch him. Nobody besides Misha or his mother anyway. Not even his best friends and none of them is at this party.

His second instinct, the one that kicks in immediately after he hears the low rumble of Jared’s voice in his hear, deep and gravelly and saying “And here I thought I’d have to wait two whole days,” is to jump, turn around and push Jared back.

“What the fuck?” he asks, eyes wide as he looks around and sees that Misha’s still busy with his lips pressed up tight against Justin’s. Thank God, and that’s the first time Jensen’s ever been happy about his boyfriend damn near making out with another guy right in front of him. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s a party,” Jared answers, frowning. He steps closer to Jensen and Jensen steps back, puts his hand out to keep Jared at arms length. “A friend invited me. What’s wrong? Is it because there are people around? I thought after last night that we… Oh, hey man.”

Jared directs the last three words somewhere over Jensen’s shoulder and Jensen bites his lip and prays. Either the line is broken or God’s not listening because pretty much his worst nightmare starts to unfold right in front of him.

“Jared,” Jared smiles, holding out his hand and Jensen follows the long line of his arm to find Misha’s fingers wrapped around Jared’s as they shake hands.

“Misha,” Misha smiles and Jesus where did he come from? The guy is like a fucking ninja. “What about last night?” He sounds pleasant. Much too pleasant. He puts an arm around Jensen’s shoulders and pulls him against his side, smiles slightly at Jared and Jensen lets out a long breath through his nose.

“Misha, just…”

“No,” Misha says. “Don’t stop on my account. You were saying something about last night?”

Jensen takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly while he tries to work up the nerve, find the right words to make this all go away, but he can’t.

“Jared, Misha’s my… my boyfriend.”

Jared’s eyes widen and he takes a step back, stumbles over a crack in the pavement and rights himself.

“Boyfriend?” he gasps. “Jensen… You have a boyfriend?”

“Yeah. I…”

“I can’t believe you have a fucking boyfriend!” Jared whisper-shouts. “You asshole!”

“Yeah,” he answers, because really there’s no arguing with that. He really is an asshole.

Jared gives him one last dirty look and stomps off, leaving Jensen standing next to Misha. He’s calm, slightly stiff and he’s looking at Jensen like he could possibly say anything that could make this situation better. For a second he thinks Misha is going to yell at him too, because it’s very obvious at this point that something happened between him and Jared that shouldn’t have, but Misha’s not like that. He doesn’t blow up. When something is important he thinks things through and acts rationally.

Jensen flounders for a split second but then looks after Jared, sees him grab two shots off the table inside and down them both before he takes off into one of the bedrooms with a bottle of beer.

“Fuck,” Jensen mutters and then looks back to his boyfriend. “Misha… I…”

“Go,” Misha says on a sigh.

“What?” he blinks and looks back in the direction Jared had taken off.

“Go. You obviously need to talk things out, so go.”

“Misha,” he says, reaching his hand out to touch Misha’s. “I don’t…”

Misha flinches back and Jensen feels the lack of touch like a kick to the chest.

“You need to deal with him. And I sort of can’t be near you right now, so you’d better just…” He trails off and waves a hand in the general direction that Jared went.

“Misha, please,” he says, taking half a step closer. “Just give me a chance to…”

“To explain? No, not right now. I know you, Jensen. And you can’t leave Jared like that. Go. Deal with it. I’ll talk to you… I don’t know. Later.”

“Misha, I…” he says but Misha pushes past him.

“Later,” he says and disappears into the crowd.

Jensen takes a minute or two to catch his breath before he heads inside and slips into the room he saw Jared go into earlier. There are half a dozen people in there, sprawled on the bed and the floor, talking, drinking, but Jared is standing stiffly by the bed with two other people, shoulders hunched.

“Hey,” he says and Jared whips around and narrows his eyes.

“What do you want?” he asks, even as a few of the others smile and wave, offer him drunken, obligatory salutations.

“Can we uh… talk?” he asks, nodding to the hallway beside him.

“About?” Jared asks coldly.

“You know what about. Come on, Jared. Please.”

Jared’s eyes harden further and Jensen fights the urge to fall to his knees and apologise and then Jared nods once and follows him out of the room. He closes the door behind them and gives Jensen a shove, not hard enough to do any damage but he gets his point across.

“How could you…” he starts. “I thought it was just a hang-up because I’m your student. I mean, I could tell you were interested. You wanted it, I know you did. But you… I can’t believe you have a fucking boyfriend. That’s low, man.”

“I know,” Jensen mutters. “Look, Jared… I told you no. I said it a dozen times. And yeah. Yes, okay? I was interested. I’m attracted to you. But I never meant to… I’m sorry for letting things go as far as they did. I fucked up. I was flattered and I was attracted to you and I fucked up. I should have told you about him.”

“If I’d known,” Jared says, wiping his fingers over his chin, “I never would have tried anything. I swear. That’s not me. And you’re a fucking jackass for fucking us both over. I like you!”

“I like you too,” Jensen tells him with a watery smile. “I really do, Jared. Which is why I let things get so fucked up. And I can tell you that I’m sorry, beg you to forgive me, but it won’t change the fact that I seriously screwed up here.”

“Are you… gonna stay with him?”

“If he’ll have me,” Jensen shrugs. He won’t be surprised if Misha never wants to see him again but his boyfriend has an amazing ability to forgive just about anything, so he’s hopeful. “Look, if you want to switch to another class, or file a complaint or something, I get it. I won’t blame you. Just… Just please know that I’m sorry.”

“I think I will,” Jared says, and Jensen closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. So now he’s lost the love of his life and his job, all at once. Because Jared bats his eyelashes and suddenly Jensen can’t keep it in his pants.

He nods and opens his eyes, bites his bottom lip. “Yeah. Okay.”

“No. I mean… I’ll switch sections. Ask professor Morgan if I can go to Monday tutorials instead. I’ll tell him it’s a scheduling thing. I won’t… I’m not gonna get you in shit with the school over this. I just don’t think I can be in your class anymore. Not when I feel like this and not when you… Fuck, you’re a shithead.”

“I really am,” Jensen tells him. “And I’m really sorry.”

“I know you are. Listen, I… I kind of hate you right now. But maybe one day I won’t, and I’ll see you around, huh?”

“That sounds good,” Jensen says, because really there’s nothing else to say.

***

Misha’s not home when he gets there, but that’s not surprising.

He calls his cell phone a dozen times over the next three days and never gets a response, which is even less surprising. It’s not until Tuesday morning that Misha finally comes home. Jensen is picking at a bowl of oatmeal and watching the morning news when the door opens, and he holds his breath, his hand freezing with the spoon on the edge of the bowl as he waits.

There’s some shuffling, a door closing, some footfalls. Another door opening, closing again and it’s five more minutes of Jensen frozen in place before their bedroom door opens and Misha comes into the kitchen.

“Hey,” he says, sitting down across from Jensen at the table.

Jensen nearly swallows his tongue in his effort to answer.

“Hey!” he barks and then realises how stupidly eager he sounds. “Um, I mean… hi. You’re… hi. You’ve been gone a few days.”

Fuck, can he sound any more like a moron? Of course he’s been gone. Jensen fucking cheated on him, for fuck’s sake. If Jensen was in his place he wouldn’t have bothered coming back at all. He’d have sent someone to get his shit and wished Misha chlamydia for his troubles.

Okay, no, he wouldn’t have. He’d have stayed gone for longer than a few days though and when he came back he’d have been a pissy little bitch for months.

Misha though, Misha just nods, licks his lips and crosses his arms on the table in front of him.

“Are you leaving me?” he asks. “For him?”

Jensen blinks and jerks his head to clear it, opens his mouth and blinks again.

“Are you… no. No. Of course not. I… I know I fucked up here. God, baby I’m so sorry. I don’t…”

Misha nods a stilted nod and bites his lip.

“I asked you. Two days before you fucked him, I asked if I had anything to be worried about and you promised me it was nothing. You lied to me.”

“No, I didn’t…” Jensen says, shaking his head. “We didn’t… It was just…”

“Don’t,” Misha bites out, stopping his confession. “I really don’t want to hear it. You betrayed me.”

“I did,” Jensen agrees, because it’s true. “Are you… are you leaving me?”

Misha doesn’t answer for so long that Jensen’s gone over a dozen different scenarios where Misha tells him to go to Hell and then brings his new boyfriend home and fucks him right in front of Jensen.

“No,” he finally says, and Jensen has to shake his head because he couldn’t possibly have heard him right.

“No?”

“Jensen I love you,” Misha tells him, smiling slightly, briefly. “And everybody makes mistakes. If that’s what this was, I can… we can get over this. It’s going to take time, but… No. I’m not leaving you.”

“Are you…” Jensen says, almost unable to believe his boyfriend is quite this awesome. “You are too good to be true. Seriously.”

“You can start grovelling any time now,” Misha tells him, kicking back in his chair. He looks cool, composed, but Jensen knows him and he knows he’s not nearly as calm as he’s pretending to be. He’s hurting and it’s Jensen’s fault and Jensen will do whatever it takes to make them better.

“I’m an idiot. I’m a jerk and fucked up so huge,” Jensen says, pushing his breakfast aside and leaning across the table toward Misha. “But I love you. I’ve loved you since I knew how and my whole life I’ve never wanted anyone else, not really. What happened the other night… I don’t even know. I let my guard down and things happened and…”

He scrambles up from the table, can’t sit still any longer and he falls to his knees on the floor in front of Misha, takes Misha’s hands in his own and looks up at him, swallows down tears. He won’t cry right now. He’s not allowed. He’s not the victim here.

“I’m so sorry. I love you.”

“I know,” Misha answers, rubs his thumbs over the backs of Jensen’s hands.

“Marry me,” he says and his eyes go wide because where in the fuck did that come from? He knows it’s reflex but the really fucked up thing is this time he means it. He knows he doesn’t deserve it but he really, really means it this time.

Misha looks down at him, smiles crookedly.

“Ask me again after I’ve forgiven you,” he says and Jensen chokes on a wet laugh, feels lighter than he has in days. At least it’s not a no.

END