RockStarPeach

Once upon a time, there was an incredibly handsome, drop-dead gorgeous, sexier than fuck, prince.  His name was Prince Spike, and of course all the ladies wanted to shag him and all the knights wanted to be just like him.

One evening he was on his way home from the pub with his favourite knight, sir Wesley, and I’d love to tell you all about exactly why Wes was the prince’s favourite, but that’s more for grown-up types, when they heard a terrified scream from the darkness.

They ran bravely toward the noise, dodging out of the way and nearly getting knocked down by Xander, the village idiot who was running like a sissy girl from the screaming.

The knight and the Prince arrived just in time to see the beautiful lady Dawn being snatched up be the evil, ugly, villain Angel, who lived alone in a cave and had stupid hair and couldn’t ever get a date.

Dawn screamed, “Help me, oh brave Prince Spike!  Please!  Help me!  Save me from this evil fiend!” and she struggled, and elbowed him and put up a good fight for such a delicate little thing.  She even kneed him in the balls too, which would have worked a treat expect that the great hulking moron didn’t have any.

Prince Spike and Sir Wesley ran to them to rescue the most beautiful woman in all the kingdom, but Angel used one them wacky super powers of his to run away like a woman.

“Oh!” cried the prince.  “The evil bastard who really should lay off the Fritos has stolen the woman I was going to marry and make my princess!  We need to get her back, Sir Wes, or I’ll die a sad lonely man with only my hand and your arse for company.”

They spent long days tracking the villain and long nights, uh, tracking the villain, and finally after months of searching, they found him.  In his cave, where they probably should have checked first, but, hey I never said Prince Spike was smart, just handsome and brave.

So anyway, they defeated Angel, which wasn’t hard cause he was dumb as a post, and locked him up in the castle dungeon for all eternity, where was only allowed to watch re-runs of Bonanza and eat figure friendly foods like chick peas and broccoli.  Cause even though the Prince hated to admit it, if the forehead would only drop a few pounds he’d by a pretty decent looking bloke.

And then Prince Spike took lady Dawn back to his castle and they were married and lived happily ever after, and had lots of babies and nothing bad ever happened to anyone ever again.

Well, expect for that time when Princess Dawn’s sister Buffy got turned into a toad, but they all thought that had been for the best.

THE END