RockStarPeach

Title: Glittering Prizes and Endless Compromises
Pairing: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/Others (both graphic and implied, include: Jensen/Misha, Jensen/JDM, Jensen/Jake Abel, Jensen/Mark Sheppard, Jensen/Lauren Cohan)
Rating: Adult
Word Count: 45000
Summary: Jared's in love with Jensen. The only problem is, Jensen's a hooker and Jared can't really afford him. It's a good thing he's so darn cute, because despite Jared's meagre finances, they strike up a business relationship that was only ever an excuse to become more than that. They're head over heels for each other, so it should be their happily ever after, right? Turns out it's harder than Jared expected, having a hooker for a boyfriend. Jensen on the other hand, saw this coming.

MASTERPOST





It's Wednesday.

Which means he leaves the corner at ten-thirty, goes to the dark patch of alley right behind the convenience store and waits. Jake shows up, right on time, just like every week and just like every week Jared is watching through the window, pretending to organise the magazine rack.

It feels weird, now.

Jensen can't deny that he used to like it. Okay, maybe he still likes it a little, the way Jared gets turned on watching him work, the way Jared knows what Jensen feels like, how good he is and he's reminded of all that when he sees Jensen touch someone else.

But it's also weird. There's something between them now, something more than there was before. Maybe there shouldn't be but there is and there's just something... weird about the guy he's... about Jared watching him fuck someone else.

It's performance anxiety, is what it is, that makes Jensen fight to get hard, makes him struggle to finish and ultimately take almost twice as long as he usually does, with Jake. He does though, eventually. Pulls out and comes all over Jake's lips, moans through it, swears and pulls at Jake's hair like it was better than it really was.

When he's done he tucks himself back in, pulls Jake up so he's standing again. He grabs at Jake's loose t-shirt, the one he's wearing under his letterman jacket even though it's July and it's about a hundred degrees outside, uses it to wipe his come off the kid's face.

Jake's tongue snakes out to clean off the rest, the bits Jensen misses and then he leans in to kiss Jensen, like they've been doing for months now, but Jensen stops him. Puts a hand on Jake's chest and eases him back a step.

He knows Jake has a crush on him and that's fine, sweet even. But Jensen can't let this go on forever. He doesn't want Jake to get the wrong idea.

Jake looks at him curiously, draws his brows together and then opens his mouth to complain. Jensen beats him to it.

“When you gonna let your girl go, man?” he asks.

“Huh?” he asks, eyes snapping up from Jensen's lips. It's a moment before the words register, before his eyes narrow.

“It’s not fair to her. Stringing her along like you are.” Not that it’s any of his business. He shouldn’t care. He doesn’t care. Except that he does. Jake's an alright kid. He'd be even more alright if he could accept himself, if he'd stop hurting other people because he can't.

“You know it isn’t,” he says interrupting whatever Jake had been about to say with two soft fingers over his lips. “You’re gay, man.”

“You can’t… No, I’m not. I just…”

“It’s okay. I get it. Starting halfback for your high school football team can’t come out of the closet. Parents, teammates, friends… they might take it bad. I mean, tell them or don’t, I’m not you so I don’t know, but… You got a girl. She thinks you love her. She thinks you’re being respectful, waiting until you’re married.”

Jake looks down and Jensen puts a finger under his chin, tilts his face back up.

“But when you’re married and living in a house in the suburbs with a job at daddy’s firm, are you gonna keep paying to suck my dick while the kids are at soccer practice?”

“Fuck you,” Jake spits, slams his open palm into Jensen's shoulder and sends him staggering back, into the brick wall. Jensen looks past Jake to the store window, where Jared's standing. He's empty-handed now, looking like he's ready to throw open the back door and come see what's wrong. The last thing Jensen needs right now is a well-intention but woefully misguided knight in shining armour.

He jerks his head, one slight shake and Jared stands down, but he's still watching, intently.

“Five hundred,” Jensen answers back, flip. He knows that's not what Jake meant but it's enough of a shock for Jake to pause, start and drop his hands to his sides.

“How... how much for... You know?”

Jensen raises an eyebrow. “No, I don’t know. People ask me for a lot of freaky shit, Jake. I don’t know what you want unless you say it.”

“For... For you to fuck me?”

“A grand.”

“What?! That’s… Jensen, come on. How can that cost more?”

“It costs more because I have to get hard, stay hard and do all the work.”

“But... you have to... to get hard and stay hard when I blow you. You only charge two hundred for that.”

That's true. Honestly, he's always had a soft spot for Jake. Sucking Jensen's cock is the only thing he's been brave enough to try, and Jensen's been going easy on him. That, and Jake was one of his first customers. He didn't really have his rates worked out yet, not that he ever sticks to them. Jensen gets paid on a very sliding scale, always has. Maybe he's really not such a good hooker after all.

“A grand,” Jensen says again, offering no more explanation. “Take it or leave it.”

“I don't have that kind of money!”

“Then ask mommy and daddy.”

“For a thousand bucks so a male prostitute can fuck me in the ass? You’ve got to be kidding. How… Jensen, I’ve been blowing you for like, a year. Can’t I maybe get a discount or something?”

“Dude, I don’t give frequent flyer miles. Why don’t you just take a few weeks off from seeing me, come back when you’ve saved up enough allowance.”

He looks torn, looks half like he'll do just that and half like he can't stand the idea of not seeing Jensen again for another month.

Jensen sighs and pushes off the wall at his back, to stand up straighter.

“Look, kid, you don't want your first time to be with a hooker, anyway.”

“I'm not a virgin!” Jake protests, but Jensen just snickers and shakes his head. Yeah, he is.

“Look, whatever. I'll... I'll see if I can get some extra cash, for next week. Maybe the week after.”

“Jake...”

“I want it to be you. Okay? Rachel, she's great. And I do love her, just... I need this.”

“Up to you,” Jensen tells him, because he really shouldn't be turning down business if the kid's this sure about it. “But it's not fair to string someone along when you know you can't ever be what they need.”

Jake nods, hovers there for a moment in front of Jensen, like they're not quite finished yet. Then he turns and walks away.

There's a part of Jensen that hopes he doesn't come back.

***

Jensen knows he should take his own advice. That bullshit about not stringing people along, about not being with someone if you can't be what they need, it's not bullshit at all and he should take his own advice. And he plans to.

He's going to break things off with Jared, now, before either of them gets hurt.

He finds Jared on Thursday, waits for him outside the video store and he's going to tell him it's over. He's got this whole speech planned out about how great Jared is and how Jensen really does care for him but he was wrong to let things go this far and they need to stop before it gets completely out of hand.

He's gone over it in his head, he's ready for it, built up his walls against the dimples and the puppy dog eyes. Jared spots him when he comes outside, locking the door behind him and his face lights up. He smiles, waves and Jensen opens his mouth to say the words, to tell him he's sorry, he's very sorry but they can't see each other anymore.

“Do you want to go out with me?” is what he says, instead. Fuck Jared and how damn good he looks in those too-loose jeans, riding low on his waist.

“What, you mean like... out out?” Jared asks. “As in... out?”

God, it's really a good thing Jared's cute.

“I mean like, somewhere not just my apartment to fuck. I mean... out for some dinner, maybe a movie or something.”

Jared's lips curl up then, slowly at the corners and then bare his teeth so he's smiling wide. His eyes glint and fuck his dimples, fuck them even harder than his jeans.

“You mean like a date.” It's not a question, but Jensen answers it anyway.

“Yeah, I mean a date. Saturday, if you're not working? I'll even pick you up, spring for somethin' fancy, where you have to wear a tie. Wait, do you have a tie?”

“Do you?” Jared asks back and Jensen scoffs, because hell yeah, he's got a tie. He's got several, in fact. Nice ones. But, Jared doesn't really know that kind of thing about him, yet. “And I thought you didn't date.”

Okay, Jared's teasing him now, but that's fair. Jensen deserves it. He deserves it for being stupid enough to actually ask Jared on a date. Jesus.

“You know what?” Jensen teases right back. “That's a good point. I totally forgot about that. So hey, never mind, I don't know what I was...”

“No! No, I mean. Yes. Jesus, Jensen don't be such an ass.” He's still smiling though, taking the bite off the insult. “Yes, I get off work at seven on Saturday. And yes, I'd love to have dinner with you.”

“Good,” Jensen says, nodding, suddenly feeling out of place. He needs to get out of there. He needs a drink. “Right. So, I gotta go. But I'll... I'll see you Saturday.”

“You can just meet me outside here,” Jared says. Jensen nods once more and starts to walk away, but before he gets even five steps Jared calls out “Darling!”

Jensen shakes his head, shoulders shaking with laughter but he just keeps walking.

Fuck Jared's sense of humour, too.

***

The date goes well.

For the most part.

It starts out with Jensen making a complete fool of himself because Jared, turns out, can rock the shit out of a shirt and tie and he's even got a pair of jeans, deep blue colour that fit him like a glove and don't have any holes.

Jensen stammers and trips over his words and maybe drools a little but after that, Jensen's charming and the conversation is easy and Jared eats like a damn horse and it goes well.

It goes so well that they hold hands all the way back to Jared's place and he gets a goodnight kiss for his troubles, before Jared disappears inside.

It's actually really... sweet.

And fuck Jared for being sweet.

***

Jared gets called into the convenience store a few days later. It's good, he thinks, because he hasn't seen Jensen since their date and he doesn't want to come off as pushy, or stalkerish. This gives him an excuse to see him, talk to him. If he's there.

He is.

He shows up half-way through Jared's shift and he leaves for a little while, but he comes back and when Jared's done working he's standing outside with one of his friends. The blonde girl is with him, the pregnant one and they're huddled around a Walkman, sharing the headphones and laughing over something Jared can't hear.

Jared smiles to himself at seeing Jensen happy like that and walks over to them.

“Hey,” he says, leaning in for a kiss. Jensen returns it, but only just and then he's stepping back, putting space between them. “Jared, this is Katie,” He says, introducing the blonde.

Jared and Katie exchange pleasantries and when they're done he turns back to Jensen.

“So hey, I'm off now. So if you want to...”

“I should really stick around,” Jensen says, cutting Jared off. “Try to make some more cash. And you should probably take off, so you don't scare away the johns. I'll see you later, okay?”

Jared flinches back, like Jensen just slapped him. Jeeze, Jared gets that Jensen has to work, he really does. Jensen's a hooker. He sleeps with people for money and Jared knew that going in. He's really got to get over this clingy and possessive bullshit. He has to because this is Jensen's job. It's different than what he's got with Jensen. It is, and he has to hang on to that or he'll go crazy.

But. That brush off was pretty cold.

“Right,” he snaps, turns on his heel and walks away.

***

The following Monday Jared's working the afternoon shift at Star. He finishes at five-thirty and when he gets outside, Jensen is waiting for him.

“You want to grab a coffee?” he asks, startling Jared as he walks by. Jensen's leaning against the building, so Jared couldn't see him right away and Jared doesn't scream, he doesn't, but there may be a shout of surprise involved.

“Sorry,” Jensen says, contrite. He doesn't even make fun of Jared, that's how Jared knows that something's up. Shit. He'd been hoping all that weird was in his own head. “Sorry. Uh... coffee?”

Jared agrees and they walk to the shop three door down. Jared finds them a seat while Jensen heads to the counter and he comes back five minutes later with two coffee (black for Jensen, always, and one cream one sugar for Jared, since it's only early evening) and a dozen donut holes.

“So about the other day,” Jensen starts, but Jared cuts him off with a shake of his head and his hand covering Jensen's.

“It's okay,” he says. “I understand. You've gotta work and I can't get in the way.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees. “But that was bullshit. I shouldn't have said that. Truth is, you hanging out with us like that? If anything, potential customers would think you were one of us. Which – I'm not okay with, by the way – but it wouldn't hurt business any.”

“So... then what was the problem?” Jared snags a honey glazed bite and pops it into his mouth.

“The problem is if we're gonna be... you know... dating, or whatever then that's gotta be completely separate from my work. It's weird for me, you hanging around, even when you're just working a shift at the store. I keep finding myself looking back through the window, to check if you're watching whenever I go off with someone. I can't deal with you standing right there when it happens. It feels a little too much like I'm throwing it in your face.”

“I get that. I do, but I only ever see you outside the store. I know where to find you, Jensen, but I don't even know your phone number. I don't even know where you live only where you... work. And I can't just stop by there, because I don't know if you're gonna be... busy, or what. The corner is basically all the contact information I have on you.”

“Yeah... about that,” Jensen says, hiding a smile behind his coffee cup. “You want to see where I live?”

***

“Wow,” Jared says, a twenty minute cab ride later. “I think I'm in the wrong line of work.”

Jensen's place is nice. Nicer than anything in Jared's neighbourhood, on the ninth floor with floor to ceiling windows and hardwood floors and stainless steel appliances. He's got beautiful furniture and a huge television and if the main living area wasn't big enough, there are several closed doors connecting off the corners.

“Bathroom,” Jensen says, pointing at one of the doors. “My room, guest room, Misha's room. That has it's own bathroom.”

“You live with Misha,” Jared says, staring at the indicated door. For some reason, that's what gets to him more than anything. More than the fact that Jensen's obviously doing a lot better for himself than he led Jared to believe.

“It's his place,” Jensen answers. “He lets me rent out a room. Well, no. I couldn't afford the rent on a place like this. Misha owns it and he lets me stay here. Doesn't charge.”

“Yeah, but... Never mind. It's nice.”

Jensen gives him an indecipherable look before he heads to the kitchen. Jared can still see him, from where he's standing at the edge of the living room. He could see him from just about anywhere except the bedrooms. The suite's open concept is stunning.

“You should eat. Have you eaten? You should eat. Sit down.”

Jared does as he's told, finds a seat on the couch and shit it's a comfortable couch. Way better than the third hand piece of crap in Jared's apartment, or the beat-up love seat in what he once thought was Jensen's.

Jared hears some clanging, chopping and sizzling from the kitchen but he doesn't look over. He can't, when he asks his next question.

“So uh... this place? You don't take clients here?”

“Of course not,” Jensen answers. “We're not stupid. None of our, uh... co-workers knows about it, either.”

Makes sense, Jared thinks.

“So... if we had sex here, in your bed...”

Jensen comes out of the kitchen with two plates of what looks like leftover Chinese, fried rice with vegetables and what's probably chicken. Jared takes it gratefully. Jensen joins him on the couch and rests the plates on the coffee table in front of them.

“Don't spill,” he warns. “Misha's kind of a freak about stains.”

“Jensen...”

“When we fuck here, later. It's gonna be the first action that bed has seen in over a year.”

Jared coughs and picks up his fork.

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, okay.”

***

They don't so much get around to the promised fucking, but that's mostly Jared's fault.

Jensen and Misha have surround sound. Jared doesn't even have that at the video store and he insists on watching Terminator 2, because it's his favourite movie of all time and he hasn't seen it on a screen as big as Misha's television since he saw it in the movie theatre.

It's amazing. Big and loud and full of excitement and he's curled up next to Jensen on the couch, the amazing, soft, luxurious couch and he startles when the door opens.

“You're home early,” Jensen says to Misha and if Jared's not too much mistaken, he doesn't sound very happy about that. Good.

“Slow night. So I came home.”

“That's awesome,” Jensen says, sounding like it's anything but.

“We're watching a movie,” Jared blurts out. Both Misha and Jensen turn to him, Misha with an amused smile. “Do you... want to watch with us?”

Misha does, it turns out. He sits next to Jensen and he casually touches Jensen's leg and he says 'remember when' and 'oh, this part, with Paul and the cake!' like they've got memories for just about every scene.

And that's okay, they're friends, but Jared can't help remembering Misha's comment to him, back when he was still tripping over his tongue every time he came within ten feet of Jensen. Misha had said that he used to be in love with Jensen, or that he'd thought he was. Jared's not sure if that was true, if that's still true, but something about the way two of them are together grates, and it's not getting better.

But Jensen puts his arm around Jared and he tugs him closer, tickles over his stomach and kisses his cheek when he laughs.

He gives Jared a ride home after the movie (yeah, turns out Jensen also has a car, on top of the swanky digs) and before Jared gets out of the green 1994 Chevy Cavalier, Jensen slips a piece of paper into his pocket.

It's not until Jared gets up to his room that he digs it out and realises what it is.

He smiles, bites his lip and smiles harder and yeah, he does a victory dance around his entire apartment. He's man enough to admit it.

He's got Jensen's phone number.

***

Two days later, Jared calls him and Jensen takes him out to a movie. The day after that Jensen calls Jared and he packs a lunch, picks Jared up at his apartment and takes him on a picnic at the park uptown.

Jensen takes Jared to the museum and Jared spends the entire day walking around like a T-Rex. They see each other almost every day, Jensen buys him a coffee after work, or a slice of pizza before, they go bowling and out to restaurants and shopping for groceries and jeans and they still have stupidly, ridiculously hot sex on a regular basis, but mostly they just hang out, mostly at Jensen's place.

Like boyfriends. Like that's what they are, normal, ordinary boyfriends and that's what Jared wants them to be, so very badly but as he's reminded with much too much frequency, Jensen is sleeping with other people more than he's sleeping with Jared.

It's not terrible, Jared's dealing, but he can't say there's any part of him that doesn't with Jensen could find another way to make money.

A few days turns into a week turns into a month in no time. Jared starts going to visit Jensen more often, spends the night a few times and when Jared forgets his toothbrush, Jensen gives him a spare from under the sink and tells Jared he can leave it there, for next time.

Jared leaves a t-shirt, too one time and a pair of his underwear.

He wears Jensen's home 'by mistake' and when Jensen comes to spend the night at Jared's place for the first and only time, he forgets his hoodie.

It's possible Jared hid it under the bed so Jensen didn't see it when he was getting ready to go, but who could say? Probably the same person that would say Jared sometimes wears that hoodie to bed. Whatever. It's not creepy. Jared's adorable.

Jensen told him so.

Jensen calls him on it two weeks later, when Jared wears it out one night for coffee.

“That's my shirt,” Jensen says, after he hands Jared a paper cup and they start walking. It's almost midnight and they don't have a destination in mind, they're just walking. It's nice, to be with Jensen like this, to be dating Jensen like this.

“Is it?” Jared asks, looking down at himself. “I guess, yeah. You uh... must have left it.”

“Uh huh,” Jensen says, sounding sceptical. Then, “I hope you don't, like... sniff that thing, or make out with it or some shit when I'm not around.”

Jared's eyes go wide and he opens his mouth, mortified. No, he doesn't smell it, not really, just... sometimes when he's sleeping and the hood part is right in his face it's hard not to breathe in the deep, heady scent of Jensen, but that doesn't mean...

“Jared,” Jensen says, leaning in to bump his arm along Jared's. He's also smiling. “Relax, man. I'm fucking with you. It's cool if you want to keep it. Looks better on you, anyway.”

“You're an asshole,” Jared tells him, narrowing his eyes.

Jensen laughs.

“Come on,” he says, slipping his free hand into Jared's. “Let's go to the park and smoke a joint on the swings.”

***

“What's up with you?”

“Nothing,” Jensen answers. He closes his eyes and takes a breath, tries to force his mind back to the present, but it's tough. He jerked Jared off earlier today, felt the way his dick pulsed and throbbed and spilled all over his fingers and then Jared had looked up at him, smiled and asked him to meet his sister.

His fucking sister, his family and Jensen had answered 'Dinner on Sunday? Yeah, that sounds good.' That sounds good. What the fuck is wrong with him?

He doesn't need to meet Jared's family. They're not there yet. They probably won't ever be.

“Bullshit, nothing,” Jeff says, shifting on the bed so he's resting on his side. His paddle traces idly over Jensen's hip, over the flesh of his ass and the sting of the touch is grounding for Jensen, familiar and comfortable.

“I'm a moron,” Jensen answers. “I'm... I'm dating someone.”

Jeff chuckles behind him, a warm, sweet sound and his arm encircles Jensen's waist for a moment before the paddle is back, tracing soft lines over Jensen's upper thighs.

“Touching as that is – and I am happy for you, Jensen, I'm paying good money, here. So either get your head in the game, or tell me to come back later.”

Jensen smirks and curls up against Jeff, turns his head and bats his eyelashes and rubs his hand over Jeff's arm.

“Sorry, daddy,” he says. “I guess I've been a bad, bad boy.”

“Does my bad boy need another spanking?”

“You know he does, daddy.”

***

“You ever think about what you want to do?” Jensen asks. They're sprawled out on the hood of Jensen's car in the parking lot of a 7-11 and Jensen's got a Big Gulp in one hand, the other arm is slung around Jared's shoulders. Not the most romantic date in the world, with the group of rowdy skateboarders across lot and the heavy stench of pot in the air, but it feels good against Jensen's side and it's a nice night. Jared can almost make out some stars if he squints. “I mean, long-term. If you're gonna be happy working two crappy jobs the rest of your life then great, man. I sure ain't gonna judge. But isn't there something else you've always wanted to do?”

Jared really hasn't thought about it much. Not lately, anyway, not beyond the idea that he wants Jensen there with him, whatever he does.

“What about you? You plan on being a prostitute forever?” He doesn't mean for it come out how it does, snappish and defensive. “Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant... well, what about you?”

“S'okay,” Jensen shrugs. He takes a sip of the drink before passing it over to Jared. “And no, I don't plan on doing this forever. I'd really like to go into business for myself, someday.”

Jared's eyes widen and he almost dribbles his sip of Mountain Dew all over himself. It's not like it's that surprising, just... Jensen has dreams. Jared doesn't, but Jensen has goals. Lofty goals, owning a business. Who knows if he'll ever get there, Jared hopes so, but even if he doesn't at least he's thinking about a different future.

“Doing what?” he asks.

Jensen looks over at him, smiles.

“Dog groomers,” he says, and Jared laughs out loud.

“Seriously?”

“I like dogs.”

Jared likes dogs, too.

“I've always kind of wanted to be a vet,” Jared says, softly. “We had a dog when I was little, got hit by a car and he had to walk around with his back paws in one of those little wheelchairs? So, I followed him around with my toy doctor kit for weeks, taking his temperature and listening to his heartbeat.”

“Shit, that's adorable,” Jensen tells him. “Please tell me there are pictures somewhere.”

“Not that you'll ever see! Anyway, yeah. It was always kind of what I wanted to be when I 'grew up'.”

“Not still?” Jensen asks.

Jared opens his mouth to say 'no, not anymore', but he doesn't know if that's true. The truth is he hasn't thought about it in a while and even when he was younger, never really seriously. But now that he is thinking about it, what he's thinking is why not? He closes his eyes and tries to picture it, himself in a white lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck and a golden retriever barking happily on the ground next to him as he hands the end of the lead back over to her owner. 'All better', he'd say with a smile and give the dog a treat and the owner would thank him.

Then he pictures veterinary school, years of hard work and puppy cancer and sticking his hands inside cats to tear their reproductive systems out. He pictures Mr. Colton from back home, with the grey hair and the paw prints embroidered onto his frock and the mural of a forest painted on his clinic wall. He pictures how he saved Frankie's life all those years ago and how he still gets a Christmas card every year from Jared's family.

“Yeah,” is what he finally says, while Jensen's fingers trace the hemline on the sleeve of his shirt. “Maybe, yeah.”

There are probably some schools in the area and he knows his parent’s would be more than happy (more like ecstatic) to help out financially if he decided to go.

And maybe one day if he had his own clinic, Jensen could work out of the backroom, maybe upstairs. Make the animals look all pretty for when their mommies and daddies came to pick them up.

It's something to think about, anyway.

“Come on,” Jensen says, leaning over to press a quick kiss to Jared's lips before he's jumping off the car and opening up the driver's side door. “Misha's out for the night, so we've got my place all to ourselves. I'm thinking strip Mario Party.”

Jared's in the passenger seat so fast he nearly rips another hole in his jeans.

***

“Banana?” Jensen asks, tossing one over to Jared before he even answers as he shuts his bedroom door behind him.

Misha's home, this time. He brought bananas, apparently.

Jensen crawls in next to Jared on the bed, peels his own banana and takes a bite.

“Mmm,” Jensen moans, eyes half-closed. He's not even paying any attention to Jared, because, it seems, that's one delicious banana. He's exaggerating, he has to be but Jared's breath catches when he watches Jensen's lips close down over the sweet, yellow flesh.

“You guys want some time alone?” he teases and Jensen practically deep throats the rest of it in retaliation. Jared whimpers.

“These are good. Misha went to market this morning, picked these up. Some other stuff, too. Berries and eggs and shit. I'll make pancakes, later if you want.”

“Duh,” Jared says, because when has he ever said no to pancakes? Especially Jensen's pancakes.

Jensen looks at him then, just looks for a moment and then he smiles, leans in for a kiss. His lips press to the corner of Jared's mouth, then they curl and his nose crinkles and Jared gets two more quick kisses before Jensen's gone and his mouth is full of the last bite of Misha's delicious banana.

Here's something about Jared: he's not insecure. He never has been. He's completely comfortable with how amazing he is and he's never doubted someone's affections for him, once they've declared them.

And he doesn't doubt Jensen and he's still not insecure, but this is the first time in Jared's short life that he'd been the one doing the chasing, rather than being chased. And Jensen is clearly a complicated guy with complicated relationships and Jared would just feel a lot better if he knew all the things he thinks he doesn't know.

So, he asks. He takes a bite of his own banana (and he has to admit, it is really good – perfectly ripe and sweet and it melts in his mouth) and he takes Jensen's hand.

“Jensen?” Jensen tosses his own banana peel onto the table, 'hmms' absently and rubs his thumb over Jared's knuckles. “Do you and Misha... I mean have you guys ever..?”

Jensen doesn't say anything for a minute and when Jared looks over his face is carefully drawn, like he's thinking about what the right answer to that is.

The truth, Jared wants to say. The truth is always the right answer.

“Yeah,” Jensen tells him, eventually. “Yeah, we used to.”

***

Jensen had naively been hoping that this wouldn't come up. Stupid, he knows. He lives with his ex, he still trades sexual favours with his ex. There's a history there, a tumultuous history and a slightly unusual present, but he'd still been hoping Jared wouldn't pick up on it.

Because despite their video game wagers and their nostalgia, anything romantic is very much over between them.

Truthfully, it ended a long time ago. It ended a year ago, when Jensen started whoring. Which is all kinds of hilarious, in a fucked up way, since it was Misha who talked Jensen into trying out this line of work in the first place.


“If you're really interested,” Misha says, with his legs wrapped around Jensen’s waist and his heels hooked around the backs of Jensen’s knees, “you could do it too, you know. It might even be fun.”

Jensen scowls down at him and thrusts harder, a punishing stab that only makes Misha moan and open his thighs wider. It's true, he's been asking Misha more and more about what he does, about how it all works and he's as surprised as Misha is when it's not out of jealousy, not in the least. He's just... fascinated. Misha makes so much money, enough money to get Jensen out of debt and into the next phase of his life in practically no time at all.

He's been working at the grocery store since he was still in school and that job he was offered at Captial One Financial would be starting to look tempting, if he didn't think he'd kill himself after the first week.

“What the hell would be 'fun' about selling my ass?”

“Ah!” Misha cries out when Jensen pushes in again and he splays his hands flat over Jensen’s back, urging him on. “The money, that’s what. Plus, you love sex.” He pauses to suck in a gasp as Jensen hits his prostate and the tip of Misha’s cock brushes up against his stomach.

Jensen groans and fucks into him harder.

“I don't think I could,” he says, breathes the words out into Misha's neck. “Could I?” He's trying to talk himself into it, has been for weeks, truthfully. Misha's been helping. Misha's kind of a weirdo.

“It's good money, it's easy. There are definitely worse jobs.”

“Yeah, until we get arrested.”

“Up to you,” Misha says, fingers curling into the soft flesh of Jensen's ass, pulling him in tighter. “Think about it, though.”

“Right,” Jensen snorts and Misha laughs, reaches up to cup Jensen’s face in his hands and kisses him so slow and deep that Jensen forgets all about his dwindling bank account and possibly criminal future for a little while.

They were good, at first. It wasn't as weird as Jensen would have thought, dating a prostitute. He feel hard for Misha and by the time he find out it was too late. It hadn't really mattered to him.

The problems had started when Misha finally succeeded in talking Jensen into giving it a shot with a detailed account of exactly how much money he made every week. Jensen’s job at Trader Joe’s paid the bills, or most of them anyway, and he was by no means starving. He had enough food and a roof over his head (thanks to Misha) and he was slowly managing to pay off his student loans.

But he’d wanted to go to business school, couldn’t get another loan until his previous loan was paid off and he certainly couldn’t afford it on his own. He wanted to own a business after that and property, start-up costs, they're not cheap. The kind of money Misha was talking about would cut the time in half until he was debt-free and the desire for freedom had won out.

Besides, Misha had been right. He loved sex.

Jensen’s first week out, he’d made twice as much as Misha did. And business hasn’t slowed down since.

Misha had gotten jealous, Jensen had gotten defensive and it hadn’t taken long for more than six months of love and commitment to fall apart under the pressure and insecurity.

It got ugly for a while. They’d been lucky to salvage a friendship at all.

He's sure as hell not telling Jared any of that, though, so he just wraps his arm around Jared's shoulders tighter and presses a kiss to the top of his head.

“We were together for a little while,” he offers. “It didn't work out.”

Jared nods quietly, like he's thinking about that and then a minute or two later says, “I think he still has a thing for you.”

Jensen laughs out loud at the ridiculousness of that statement and Jared huffs and pulls away. Jensen holds on tighter, smooths his hand up and down over Jared's arm.

“No, sorry sweetheart. I didn't mean to laugh at you, it's just... Trust me when I say it didn't end well. And Misha's not looking to get back together.”

“You called me sweetheart,” Jared says and Jensen blinks. Yeah, he did. “I thought you didn't like pet names.”

“I don't,” he says. He really doesn't. It just kind of... slipped out. “I don't date, either. I guess you're special.”

Jared grins and Jensen smacks him on the chest.

“Shut it. Yes, I mean that. You're... you're special, as stupid as that sounds. I'm kinda hooked on you.”

“So... are we exclusive?” Jared asks and Jensen pulls back, looks at Jared like he's lost his mind.

“Uh, you have noticed what I do for a living, right?”

“Yes, dumbass. I’m not an idiot. But that’s work, right? I mean, outside of that, is it just… you know. You and me?”

“You’re gonna be okay with knowing your boyfriend fucks professionally? Like, really, honestly okay with that? Because that hasn't been my experience.”

“I’m not gonna lie, it kind of sucks. But hey, you did this before I met you and… and I like you. Hell, I love you. I’ve been in love with you since the first time I saw you and I want to be with you. And if you can tell me the rest of it is just work, that all those other guys mean is a pay day, then I can deal.”

“Wow, you sound way too well adjusted.” He really does. The only explanation is that he's lying, lying to himself and by extension Jensen, but Jensen doesn't want to believe that. Call him a romantic.

“So can you?” Jared demands. “Can you promise me that outside of your job you’re only going to be with me?”

He can definitely make that promise. He shouldn't, but he can. He hasn't been with anyone besides Jared outside of work since he started. Well, not anybody except Misha, anyway and he doesn't really count.

He should say no.

“Yeah,” is what he says. “Yeah, I can.”

***

Jensen invites Jared over to his place on Friday after work to watch a movie. Jared will spend the night, they'll fuck, stay up until dawn talking and playing video games and drinking beer, they'll sleep in late. It's one of Jared's favourite things, just hanging around with Jensen, being lazy and relaxed with nothing to do and nowhere to go. Jared works so damn much that it's rare he's got more than twelve hours off in a row, but Saturday he has no hours at all and it's going to be bliss.

He takes off work early that night – Chad covering for him again in exchange for Jared taking his shift on Sunday – and he brings a couple of movies from work, some popcorn and some Skittles and he pays for the cab ride with the forty bucks Jensen gave him, for exactly that purpose.

He feels vaguely dirty over that, embarrassed that he can't even afford to go visit his boyfriend on his own, that now Jensen's the one shelling out cash every time they go out, or stay in or fuck. But Jared's not a hooker, just the broke-ass boyfriend and Jensen's pretty good about not making things awkward when it comes to who pays for what.

When he gets to Jensen's place, Jensen isn't there yet. Misha is home, however and he invites Jared in with a smile, offers him a ginger ale and a seat on the couch.

“Jensen shouldn't be too much longer,” Misha tells him. “I don't think he was expecting you until later.”

“No I... I got off early,” Jared says, but he's thinking maybe he shouldn't have. It's not even eleven yet. He hadn't thought, he hadn't stopped to consider that Jensen wasn't waiting at home for him, that maybe he was out. That maybe Jensen was fucking someone else, because Jared doesn't usually get off work until midnight on Fridays and so why shouldn't Jensen be out making some money, too? “I'm sorry, I could...”

“Nonsense. It's fine, Jared. Jensen won't mind. And neither do I. I could use some company, as a matter of fact.” Misha's smiling as he says it and it's not like his voice lacks warmth or anything – quite the opposite, really. But there's something... Jared can't put his finger on it. That same feeling, like Misha has a joke that he hasn't let Jared in on. Like Jared amuses him.

“I'm thinking of repainting,” Misha says. His abrupt topic change throws Jared off even more and he blinks and looks around. “I'm thinking green, for in here. Maybe orange for the kitchen. What do you think?”

The walls in the living room are a soft blue-grey colour, with darker blue accents and the kitchen is a cheery, bright white with cherry red on the crown molding and window frames.

“I like how it looks,” Jared tells him. “I don't think you should change it.”

Misha smiles again and nods, pushes back in his chair like that was the right answer.

“I like it too,” he says. “Maybe I'll just change my bedroom. Everything's yellow in there. It's like I'm trapped in a giant daffodil.”

Jared thinks yellow is a pretty nice colour, too but he doesn't comment. Misha doesn't, either so that appears to be the end of that conversation. Misha seems oddly content and not at all uncomfortable with the ensuing silence that Jared finds strained and awkward. Which makes sense, he supposes. They're in Misha's house and all.

“Does uh...” Jared eventually says, after he can't take the quiet anymore. “Is Jensen usually out this late, or...?”

“Jared, you don't need to be jealous,” Misha says, and Jared shakes his head, waves his hands in denial.

“No, I'm not. I mean... I get it.”

“Do you?” Misha asks. “Because Jensen's been doing this for a while and so far? You're the only one he's fallen for. You don't need to be jealous. You shouldn't be, because if you are, that's what's going to wreck the two of you, not Jensen's work.” He laughs then, kind of a mirthless sound that makes Jared a little sad. “Trust me on this. I know what I'm talking about.”

Jared doesn't know what to say to that. Misha doesn't appear to be looking for an answer though, because he picks up the remote from the table and points it at the television.

“I think Felicity is on.”

Twenty minutes later the door opens and Jensen comes in. He doesn't seem to think it's unusual that Jared's sitting on his couch watching TV with Misha, just bends down as he passes by, presses a kiss to Jared's temple.

“I'm gonna grab a shower,” he says, continuing on the bathroom. “Be out in a few.”

Jared excuses himself to Jensen's room, puts one of the movies he brought into the VCR and puts the others down next to the small television Jensen's got on top of his dresser. He puts the snacks down there as well and flops down on Jensen's bed, crosses his feet and the ankles and his arms over his stomach and he waits.

Waits while Jensen showers off the smell of someone else's sex, so he can cover himself in Jared. It's okay, Jared tells himself. It's worth it, because the alternative is not having Jensen at all. It's not like he can ask Jensen to stop. Can he? Maybe if he helped Jensen find a job someplace else? He knows they're hiring at the video store...

No. No, this relationship is still very young and Jared got into it knowing full well what Jensen did to put food on the table. It would be all kinds of selfish, not to mention creepy, for Jared to ask Jensen to make major life changes for him at this point.

Hopefully Jensen can get out, move on to something else at some point, but even if he doesn't, it doesn't change how Jared feels about him. Jared's dealing with it now, he'll just have to keep dealing with it.

Jensen comes in a few minutes later, towel slung low around his waist and his hair still dripping tiny trails of water down the back of his neck and over his shoulders. Jared's seen Jensen like this before – they've showered together a few times and Jared's stayed over almost every time he's been here – but he'll never, ever get sick of it. Jensen is perfect, to Jared's eyes.

He's tall (not as tall as Jared, but that's okay) and he's lean, muscles compact and long and spread out over his frame in the exact way it takes to drive Jared out of his mind. Jared's mouth goes dry as he watches Jensen casually fling the towel off and drop it on the ground, he bites his lip and breathes out a soft moan when Jensen bends down to pick up a pair of flannel pants from the floor.

He wants to cry when Jensen slips them on but he doesn't, because at least he stops there, doesn't bother with a shirt as he turns back to Jared and smiles, climbs on the bed with him and straddles him.

“Hey, you,” he says, eyes shining brightly like this, like this right here with Jared is exactly what he needs and he bends down and kisses him, deep this time, slow. It goes on forever and it's over much too quickly, Jensen rolling off to the side and propping himself up on a pillow next to Jared.

“So?” he asks, using the remote on the table to turn the TV on. “What are we watching first?”

Jensen hits play without waiting for Jared's answer and the opening sequence of The Big Lebowski starts up.

“Sweet!” Jensen says. “I've been wanting to see this one. Hey, you want me to grab the popcorn?”

Jensen shifts to get up and as his head turns, Jared sees it. A tiny little mark, where his neck meets his shoulder. It's just barely red, but it'll get darker, Jared's sure. A hickey, maybe a bite mark. That somebody else put there.

Jared takes a breath, lets it out as he grabs the remote from Jensen and stops the tape. He should just say 'yeah, sure' and watch the movie, but he doesn't. He can't. He knows he's being stupid, but he can't.

“Tell me about your night.”

Jensen turns to face Jared and cocks an eyebrow. “Really? Like... Tell you about work, you mean?” At Jared's slight nod he goes on. “That's kind of weird, isn't it?”

“I think it's important that we're open about this.”

“Sure, yeah. I totally agree. But Jared... there's a difference between knowing what I do and... knowing what I do. Do you want... like, details?”

Jared doesn't say anything, mind tripping over how to answer that. Jensen's right, but still. Still, Jared's curiosity is eating away at him, driving him crazy. His imagination is working overtime, conjuring up so many pictures of Jensen with so many other people, doing things, saying things, laughing and falling in love and leaving Jared, forgotten.

“I worked,” Jensen goes on, when Jared's quiet for too long. “I was working tonight, Jared. I fucked people and they gave me money. That's plenty open, I think. That's all you need to know.”

“Who... who was it?” Jared asks. “What did they do to you?”

“It's not...” Jensen sighs, rubs his hand over his face tiredly. “I'm not trying to hide anything from you, Jared. That's not it. It's just, the last guy I tried the whole... relationship thing with, he told me the same thing, he just wanted to know, wanted to be open about it and he'd feel better, everything would be fine. Turns out he was wrong. Hearing about it is kind of what broke us. I like you, Jared. I don't want to go through that again.”

“It was Misha. Wasn't it?”

Jensen doesn't answer but he doesn't have to. He sighs again.

“Fine. It was pretty slow, really. Most nights are, to be honest. I gave an advertising executive a blow job in his Ferrari, came back and had a cup of coffee and a smoke with Gen. Then I went home with a city councilman. They're both regulars. Again, most of my clients are.”

“What did... What did he do to you? The second one?”

“Not a thing,” Jensen answers, voice flat. “He likes to watch while I fuck his wife.”

“What?!” Jared shrieks. To say that he's shocked is to vastly misrepresent the word. He'd expected something perverse, to hear the guy tied him up or dressed him like a baby or fucked him with a cucumber or something, but that? That's probably the last thing Jared expected.

“What what?” Jensen asks, puzzled.

“You fuck girls?!” Jared says it like he’s eight years old instead of a grown-ass man, and just the word girls is going to give him cooties. And it's not that Jared doesn't think that girls are pretty, in that way that he doesn't want to fuck, but it had never crossed his mind that Jensen might be bisexual.

Jensen just shrugs. “Sometimes.”

“But… I thought you were gay.”

“I am. Do you think I’m sexually attracted to every single person who pays for the pleasure of my company? Because I’m not. Not even close. But, they pay well, so I do what I gotta do.”

“I can't... wow.” Jared makes a face like something smells bad and Jensen laughs.

“You should actually take this as a good thing,” he says, but Jared's having a hard time figuring out why that is, until Jensen continues. “I don't hate what I do, Jared. It's not horrible, but it's not a social hour, either. It's work. Sometimes, it's a little more work than others. When it comes to my own pleasure – sure, sometimes I take it. Because sometimes they want me to. But when it's up to me, when I get to have some fun of my own choosing? I never look for that at work. Not even before you came along.”

That makes sense. It does. But Jared doesn't feel better.

“I think you were right; talking about it is a bad idea.”

“Are you... are we okay?”

“Yeah,” Jared smiles. “Yeah, of course. Just... Can we stop talking for now?”

“Sure,” Jensen agrees, sliding a little closer to Jared and worming his arm under Jared's head. Jared lets him, curls in tighter. “Movie?”

Jared hums in agreement and Jensen hits play.

***

Jensen punches the A button twice, then B, then both together as he steers his character hard to the left. His head's not really in the game, but he's still winning. Misha is so predictable.

The really fucked up thing about the other night, for Jensen anyway, was that he'd wanted to tell Jared those things. He'd wanted to tell him all about what he did that night, tell him about what he does every night, because he'd wanted to Jared to smile and understand and tell him that it was all okay.

Because he likes Jared. He likes Jared more than he's comfortable with, to be honest. He feels good around Jared, feels happy because Jared's like the sun, bright and warm and endless optimism and he makes Jensen laugh. He's also smart and kind and utterly and completely adorable and he has an ass that won't quit so, yeah. Put all that together and that right there is somebody that Jensen never wants to let go.

But he's not stupid. He's not naive. He's been down this road before, travelled both sides, as a matter of fact and of course Jared wasn't okay with it. He says he is, he told Jensen when they agreed to be exclusive that he would be, but that just wasn't true. Even if Jared thought it was, Jensen knew better.

The music from the television changes, crescendos and Jensen smirks as his character crosses the finish line a good ten seconds before Misha's does.

“Dude, you suck at this. So bad, it's like you take lessons in sucking.”

Misha smirks back. “Oh, I don't need lessons in sucking. A fact of which you're about to be reminded.”

Jensen stiffens slightly, his chin jerks and he lets out a small chuckle. He's nervous, he realises and he doesn't know why. Maybe because this is it, this makes his promise to Jared something real, this is when he announces to his best friend that he's in an honest to God relationship for the first time since him.

“Yeah, not today, man. Not...” Not ever again? Well, that's a little optimistic. He'll leave that kind of thinking to Jared. “Not now.”

“Jared, right?” Misha asks. His smile is knowing though, so it's not really a question. Misha knows him way to well.

“He thinks he's in love with me.” Jensen rolls his eyes, like Jared's a puppy he can't get rid of, but even as he says it he knows that's not the truth. Jared is in love with him, as much as he's capable at this point in his life. He's young, he's inexperienced and he lives a very different life than Jensen does. He's got some serious growing up to do and Jensen's one hundred percent sure it's infatuation that's driving Jared's desires, but what the hell difference does that make? Really, what's the difference? Jared feels how he feels, regardless of what's actually behind it and while Jensen knows it probably won't last, knows the shine is gonna come off sooner or later, that makes no difference to Jared right now.

He's in love.

He's fearless.

Jensen is a great big chicken.

“He thinks he's in love with you, so I can't suck your cock anymore?” Goddamn Misha, sounds way too fucking amused about this whole thing. Shithead. Doesn't he understand Jensen's inner turmoil? “Jensen, no less than a dozen of your clients have fallen in love with you. But you're a one-man guy all of a sudden, because Jared has?”

“Yes,” Jensen answers, simply, stubbornly. “Yeah, that's why.”

“Maybe,” Misha concedes. “Or, maybe the real reason is that you think you might be able to love him back.”

Jensen scowls at him and hits clicks Retry on the screen.

“Loser does the dishes,” he says, and Misha laughs.

***

There's a farmer's market that runs every Saturday morning in the east end of the city. There are quite a few markets, actually but one of them is Jensen's favourite and the following week he takes Jared there.

They walk side by side, Jared's arm slung casually over Jensen's shoulders, Jensen's hand stuffed into Jared's back pocket and they poke around the stands, taste the samples. Jensen tells Jared to pick out whatever he wants, as much as he wants from all over the market and that Jensen's cooking dinner for him that night.

Jared laughs and he moans when he bites into a slice of tomato, red and juicy and sweet. His eyes even shut for a minute and Jensen doesn't blame him, because those tomatoes from Kenstingon Farm are seriously the best Jensen has ever tasted.

Jared picks up a few, Jensen adds a few more. Jared grabs a cucumber next, then some peppers, apples and berries and onions and potatoes and when Jensen's shopping bags are nearly full, they head inside, where Jared fills them to overflowing with cheeses and meats and syrups and jams.

He tops it off with a fresh loaf of bread. That can't fit in the bag, so Jared offers to carry it.

“Wow, thanks,” Jensen deadpans and Jared laughs again. God, Jensen loves the way Jared laughs. It's contagious, so Jensen laughs back. He stops laughing when he hears someone call his name, but his smile doesn't fade as he scans the crowd for whoever it was.

“Jensen!” gets called out again, and this time Jared looks, too.

It's Jeff, making his way around a man selling loaf cakes and waving, casually.

“Jeff, hey,” he answers. He grins and makes an aborted motion with his arms, loaded down with groceries. He shrugs, as if to say 'I'd shake your hand, but...'

Jeff laughs and claps him on the arm and Jensen leans into it, just enough to be polite. “What’s goin’ on, man?”

“Same old same old. Pickin' up some apples. My sister and her boy are comin' over later, gonna bake some pies for their church bake sale. Unless you cleaned them out, that is.” He looks pointedly at Jensen's bounty and they both laugh.

“Nah, I think we might have left you one or two.”

Jared clears his throat, kicks his foot out and hits Jensen's shoe, without any subtlety at all. Jensen looks at him and laughs, shaking his head. “Fuck, where are my manners. Jared, Jeff – Jeff, Jared.”

Jeff holds out his hand and Jared looks kind of blank as he puts his hand in Jeff’s, but Jeff just grips it tight and smiles wider, shaking it hard.

It takes Jared a minute, but he smiles back. It's not the kind of smile Jensen's used to seeing on him. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same here,” Jeff answers. Then he looks over at Jensen. “So this is the new beau, huh?”

Jensen can feel his face warm up as it goes flush, but he nods. Jared steps closer, like he has permission now that it's out there, what they are.

“Yeah, he... Yeah. Look, it was great seeing you, man, but we should get going.”

“Sure, take care, Jensen.” Jensen nods and he starts to turn away, but Jeff speaks again so he turns back. “Hey, I could use a fourth this Saturday if you're interested. T-off''s at six thirty.”

Jensen looks at Jeff like he's lost his mind and Jared's hand goes to his shoulder, fingers digging in a little too hard, holding on. “Fuck, you know I don't get up that early.”

“Well if you change your mind, you know where we'll be.”

Jeff smiles and Jensen nods and Jared follows behind him, hand sliding down to hold Jensen's arm at the elbow as they walk away.

“So…” Jared prompts, after they're back in the car, on their way back to Jensen's place. Jensen doesn't take the bait, so Jared goes on. “Who was that?”

“Huh?” Jensen's distracted with turning left out of the parking lot onto the main street so it takes a minute to actually hear what Jared's said. “Oh, Jeff. I told you that.”

“Right, you said. How do you know him?”

Okay, this is that kind of thing, right? That kind of thing they decided it was a bad idea to talk about?

“He’s a client, right?”

Jensen flinches and Jared must know he's right. “Jared. Didn't we agree not to talk about this?”

“He’s Jeff. That's... he's the guy with the paddle and the… daddy. Isn't he?”

“Jesus Christ!” Jensen says, nearly swerving the car into the oncoming lane. “Who told you that? God, don’t even bother. I’m gonna kill Misha.”

“You guys seemed… friendly.”

Jensen frowns, signals and turns right on the next street. “Dude, trust me, he wasn’t hitting me up for sex in the middle of a farmer’s market.”

“I don’t mean in a sexy way. I mean… you guys were friendly. Like actual friends are. He pays you for sex and then you're... what? Golf buddies on the weekends? Isn’t that weird?”

“We’re not friends. We’re… business acquaintances, I guess. We get along, sure. I like him. He’s a nice guy. He likes me. It helps, considering we fuck a few times a month. I don’t typically take on clients I don’t like in some way. I can afford to be choosey, you know.”

“Yeah,” Jared mumbles under his breath, but Jensen hears him anyway. “Maybe that’s what bothers me.”

“Jared...” Jensen sighs, but he doesn't know where to go from there. Telling Jared not to be jealous is ridiculous. Reminding Jared that he said he'd be fine with all this is ridiculous. Jensen knew better. The fact that Jared feels this way, insecure and foolish and powerless, that's all Jensen's fault because he knew better and he went and fell for Jared anyway.

“I want to watch.”

“Huh?” Jensen asks, because Jared possibly mean what that sounds like. “Watch?”

“Yeah. You and him. I wanna come with you sometime and… watch.”

“Jared, come on. You can't possibly think that's a good idea.”

“I mean, it’s work, so I can pay you if you want, but I…”

Jensen grips the steering wheel tight, fingers digging into the leather covering so hard it creaks. He doesn't look at Jared and his voice is hard and sharp when he says, “Okay, I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say that.”

Jared hesitates, opens his mouth so speak but only the barest hint of a sound comes out. He stops and takes a breath.

“Jensen, please,” he finally says. “I just… I think I need to see it.”

“But why? I mean, don’t tell me you’re jealous. You know what I do, you've known since before we got together and you told me, told me that you'd be fine. I understand if you're not, trust me I do. But you need to let me know. If you're not okay, you need to let me know.”

“No, that’s not… or maybe it is. I’m just curious, I guess. I want to know what it's like, for you. Maybe it'll help me understand.”

“Jared, the only thing you need to understand is that I want to be with you. Jeff, everyone else, they have nothing to do with us.” His grip on the steering wheel loosens and he reaches his right hand out, puts it down over Jared's on Jared's thigh and laces their fingers together. “Please, believe me when I tell you you have nothing to be worried about.”

“Okay,” Jared says, but it's quiet, subdued. “Yeah, okay.” Then he squeezes Jensen's hand and his voice brightens just a little. “Think you can turn all that stuff we bought into a pizza?”

It'll take a little doing, but Jensen thinks he can make it work. For Jared, he's sure as hell going to try.

Part 4